Teresa Villiers Accidentally Shot in Muff

11 May

The British Secretary of State for Northern Ireland has been shot in Muff today, in what has been described as a ‘bizarre turn of events’.

She had gone out sqirrel hunting with her close friend and confidant Marty McGuinness, and a local man Barry McSpiggot. Barry said, ‘ I had the wee red critter in my sights, when it ran up Teresa’s leg, and i couldn’t control the old itchy trigger finger, and i let him have it. Unfortunately, poor Teresa took a bit of buckshot in her Lady Garden. The doctors at Letterkenny General have said they should be able to retrieve it with a set of tweezers and a magnet.’

McGuinness is said to have fainted, as the former butcher is reportedly very squeamish.

The local Gardai are investigating as red sqirrel are a protected species in Ireland. Their spokesman Hugh O’ Donohue said, ‘ We can’t have people running about Muff shooting willy nilly. That is a recipe for anarchy, and we won’t be having any of that in Muff; not on my watch’.

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